Heartbreak

I’ve experienced two different types of heartbreak in my life.

The first one was when my father passed away six years ago. There were and still, are no words to describe that feeling of loss. My life changed completely when that happened.. I didn’t know what to think or feel. I was always told that everything happens for a reason, but I couldn’t grasp the reasoning for this. Why?.. I never thought in a million years I’d lose a parent. The unexpected happens to the best of us. My heart is still heavy about losing my dad.. He was a hard worker and loved making people happy; the truest and purest form of a business man.  I wish I could see him one more time.. I wish he could see how great all four of his children are becoming, and how beautiful my mother is. This type of loss is one that I don’t wish anyone to experience. For those of you that still have your parents around, I hope you tell them how much you love them every day.. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t tell my mother I love her. She is my ultimate rock that gets me through everything. Seeing her during the ultimate lows and get right back up has stuck by my side.

Thank you mom for being the best role model and parent that Joseph, Sami, Gabby, and I could have. You have a heart of gold that no one can break, wisdom that no one can discredit, a touch thats welcoming, and a smile that brings comfort.

My second heartbreak was true love. Everyone’s experienced their own type of love, how hard they’ve fallen for someone, or lust/puppy love.. If you haven’t been in love before, its the most beautiful thing in the world. I met my first love in high school, was my love throughout most of my college years too.. I thought he was the man I’d spend the rest of my life with (everyone usually thinks that about their first love). Considering everything we went through together between his family, mine, friends, etc., we grew a lot and learned a lot from each other. That was one of the greatest things about our love; so many experiences. He was my first boyfriend, first kiss, first everything.. My heart was head over heels for this guy.. Its been quite some time now since we’ve spoken (maybe a little over a year). I’ve accepted the fact that he’s moved on and that we probably will never be together again. I miss him all the time, but then I have to realize, do I miss what used to be? Of course.. The person I am today is much different than the Amanda four-five years ago. I’m constantly wishing him the best though, through my thoughts and wishes.

Sometimes falling in love and having your heartbroken taints other relationships. It did to me. Remember how I said being single is a blessing in disguise? For me, that is true. I miss the feeling of having someone close to my heart, that knows me so well, and knowing that someone has my best interest all the time. But, for now I am enjoying my 20’s learning about myself, friends, career, and learning what true happiness is all about.

I believe we experience many types of love. Theres a reason why people come in our lives and stay.. or for better or worse, leave.

I’m hesitant to post things like this because my feelings are very dear to me. Unfortunately, no one cares to ask how someone is anymore in this day of age, so writing it and not knowing if someone will see it or not, makes me feel at ease.

xo

Amanda

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